Freak out and BREATHE

When you're first diagnosed as a coeliac you are going to feel things. I completely was not expecting it (I didn't even know they'd tested for coeliac disease when I had my blood test) so when I was the doctors three months later and she told me off hand it kind of threw me. I love food; I mean, I really love it. I really like cooking for other people and searching for recipes online and eating. Suddenly I was so restricted and it was difficult. Especially because I am, well was, vegetarian.

Three months on and I still freak out. I came home from an 8 hour shift at work and there was no food in. My dad and my sister could just bung something in from the freezer but I had to think; I didn't want packet rice, I didn't want homemade egg fried rice (a staple at uni, I had it tooooooo much). Pasta and cheese was too bland, my recently-glutened stomach couldn't handle pesto. I cried. I cried because my blood sugar was low and I feel emotionally meh at the moment and I was exhausted. I get so frustrated because I want my body to let me do what I want for once. And what's more, I want to come home from work and bung some chips and chicken from the freezer into the oven. I hate battling with my body but I seem to do it all the time.

Regardless, my point is that is difficult. My medical support has been minimal so far because I've been away at university but these next couple of weeks should rectify that. (Phew) I know it's not the end of the world but it's times like yesterday when I buy £1 crisps that I think are gf from a vending machine because everywhere in the train station is closed and I eat them and it turns out they're not: frustration.

I honestly know that I am so lucky to have access to all the foods that I do. But I'm trying to show that it's really okay to freak out sometimes and cry. But the you pick yourself up, you talk to someone or google recipes, or read and then you breathe. That's when you feel a little in control again and can decide what to have for dinner on a stupidly hot weeknight.